marriage matters

I'd heard about this book at the Winter Weekend Scrapbooking Retreat (thanks Crystal!) and thought I'd give it a shot. I say it this way because The Love Dare this isn't so much a book as it is a challenge. And who doesn't love a good challenge?

It was created in a 40-day format but Day 1 took me three days to fulfill. This wasn't so much a book issue as it was a Tina issue... what an eye-opening experience. The challenge for Day 1 centered on patience:

Although love is communicated in a number of ways, our words often reflect the condition of our heart. For the next day, resolve to demonstrate patience and to say nothing negative to your spouse at all. If the temptation arises, choose not to say anything.

It seemed easy enough... seemed.

Unfortunately, I realized that I have a tendency to correct and negate. (Eeeew, it gives me shivers just thinking about it.) Here are a few examples:

• You left the garage door open. (Why did I even need to point this out? Just close the thing.)
• You only paid him $5 to shovel the driveway? (It really was a good deal. And besides... it was his deal, not mine.)
• Peanuts? You ate the peanuts? (I could have told him they were for a recipe.)

After taking a close look at myself over the last three days, I've noticed a habit of picking apart the little things. Sometimes innocently driven and at others - purposefully sharp. Ick. Though I'm not very happy about the discovery, I'm thankful because awareness is the first step towards change.

The Bible talks alot about the words we use and instructs us as follows:

Therefore encourage (admonish, exhort) one another and edify (strengthen and build up) one another, just as you are doing. 1 Thessalonians 5:11

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. Ephesians 4:29

I want to be a wife who frequently speaks words of encouragement and praise, a cheering fan not a Nagging Nelly. BTW, have you ever looked up "nagging" in the dictionary? If not, you're in for a real treat:

nagging

-adjective

1. continually faultfinding, complaining, or petulant.
2. persistently recurring; unrelenting.

And some synonyms: badger, torment, provoke, take it out on, berate, bait, hound, irritate, needle, and pester.

It can be very easy to dismiss and/or make excuses for our behavior. I want to be a woman of itegrity and grace no matter what circumstances confront me, handling things God's way no matter how unreasonable others may seem. (Again, seem is the key word. If I am honest with myself, I can be just as unreasonable at times.)

It will be interesting to see what the next 40 120 days bring.