It's pretty clear I have issues...

These are my journals. I have zillions of them, dating back to high school. The ones pictured here just happen to be some of my favorites!

It is an amazing thing to look back and see the tranformation that took place in my life. To give you an idea of what I am talking about, here is a poem I'd written in the summer of 1989:

Torture pain death.
Pain death.
Death.
Where and Who am I?
What am I doing?
Running in circles
and circles
in pain.
It lingers where it can't be found.
Clutching my heart and soul
feeding on itself.
It doesn't end won't end.
It's me. It's Who I am.
Prisoner of myself.
Prisoner of my pain.

What a vivid reminder of where I once was! Trapped by my addiction, the eating disorder had taken over every area of my life - relationships, finances, job, and education. It was then that I turned to the Lord.

"Please help me, God!"

"I need You."

"Show me Your way."

"Help me to see You."

"Help me to follow You."

He led me out of that dark place to one of hope and joy! He has revealed much to me through the process of journaling - it's no wonder I am where I am today! The Lord took that huge mess and turned it into something beautiful; it was all part of His purpose and plan. Looking back at the pattern of my life, it all makes so much sense now.

The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon Me...

To comfort all who mourn, To console those who mourn in Zion,

To give them beauty for ashes, The oil of joy for mourning,

The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness;

That they may be called trees of righteousness,

The planting of the LORD, that He may be glorified.

Isaiah 61:1, 2c, 3 (NKJV)

Journaling Ideas: If you haven't made it a habit of jounaling, begin today! If you have old journals or diaries tucked away somewhere, dig them out. Spend some time looking back. Do you see any emerging patterns or themes? Is there a direction that God appears to be steering you towards? His specialty is trading beauty for ashes - spend some time mulling over the ashes in your life. He will use them (use you) to reach out to others in their place of mourning.